Many highly qualified and skilled women often lack confidence in the work place and this shows in various ways:
- Meetings – not putting ideas forward for fear of being wrong, dismissed or spoken over.
- Dealing with difficult colleagues – Unable or unsure how to deal with harsh, awkward colleagues.
- Failure to set boundaries – taking on everything that’s given to them as they do not want to appear lazy or unhelpful. And hate saying “NO”
- Imposter syndrome – many skilled and highly qualified women feel they really should not have a seat at the table, often feeling not “good enough.”
- Writing an email – in a few minutes but taking 30 minutes to send it making sure you don’t sound too ‘aggressive” or too “weak.”
- Is your opening line – in a conversation or email with colleagues the one that always starts “I’m sorry…”
In our professional life most of us at some time or another have felt some of the feelings listed above and been unsure how to deal with what we were experiencing. So, if this resonates lets dive in and cover each point individually.
Confidence In Meetings: Many women have amazing ideas but NEVER put their ideas or strategies forward. Why? because they fear been overlooked, spoken over or dismissed. This is purely a lack of self confidence not a lack of competence. Here I would advise working on building confidence and resilience as this would massively help you become confident, self assured and in control in any situation.
Dealing With Difficult Colleagues: This can be a tough one, its exhausting, drains your energy and we can all do without this on the daily. Here are my 3 tips to help you in this situation.
- Avoid getting into daily drama and disputes of the ‘he said – she said” kind. Reply by email and be professional but to the point ie: “ Just to make sure were aligned on the presentation, I will handle slides 1-5 on Thursday and you will take over slides 6-10 for Fridays meeting”.
- Set Boundaries. You do not need to have a dramatic encounter to set a boundary. You can use the “if-then” statements that will establish consequences without sounding aggressive. this will keep the responsibility for their behaviour entirely on their shoulders. Here’s an example: For the perpetual interrupter “If we can hold questions until the end of this section, then we will be able to get through the data much faster” OR For the late responder “I need your input on this budget today by 3pm. If I don’t receive it by then, I’ll have to move forward with draft figures to meet the clients deadline.”
- Difficult Behaviour: This is almost always a reflection of their own insecurities, stress, or communications flaws. – never your worth or competence.
- If they raise their voice or use a sharp tone, always respond with a lower, calmer voice. This will force them to either deescalate or look unreasonable to anyone watching.
- If you don’t need to interact with them to do your job stick to pleasantries and keep it at that.
- The Golden Rule: Never complain about a difficult colleague to other coworkers. It can easily backfire and make you look like the source of drama. If you need to speak with anyone go to HR.
Setting Boundaries At Work: Setting boundaries at work is not about being confrontational: its about establishing a clear frame work that you need to perform at your best without burning out. It means defining when you are reachable, being transparent about your capacity before taking on new tasks, and saying “no” to interruptions that derail your primary goals.
Imposter Syndrome, Writing an email & Starting with “I’m sorry..” These are all coupled under the one umbrella – low confidence and self doubt NOT professional incompetence. Here are some tips to help build your confidence in the work place.
- Audit your speech and emails. Replace “I am sorry to bother you” with eg; “Based on the data I think we should try..” When you stop qualifying your statements, you signal to colleagues and yourself that your perspective is valid and worth listening to.
- Have a private “wins” file. Set up a private folder called “wins” and every time you solve a tough problem, receive a compliment from a client, hit a metric or master a new tool, write it down with the date. This works well when imposter syndrome or self doubt strikes you have a list of undeniable facts proving your competence. This will shift your mindset from feeling like you don’t belong to knowing you deliver value.
- Studies show women are interrupted significantly more than men in meetings: So, when in a meeting sit at the main table rather than any outer chairs. When you speak lean in slightly, keep your hands visible and speak at a deliberate, measured pace. If someone interrupts you, practice a firm redirection such as “Hold that thought, I’d like to finish this point before we open it up” Physical presence and holding your ground when interrupted sends a powerful, psychological feedback loop to your brain that you have a right to be in that room and your contribution is valid.
I hope these tips helped, if you would like to discuss the possibility of how Confidence Coaching can help you with your career book your free chat and lets dive in to how we can build your confidence and advance your career prospects. Link to book your Free Call is in my bio.
Lisa Moxon MAC – Confidence & Mindset Coach.